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22 March 2013 @ 08:56 pm
[EXO] This is where he fell, hunyeol  
This is where he fell
1700w; drabble; chanyeol/sehun; au; angst

Sehun can't get over Lu Han,
and Chanyeol's love will always be unrequited.

tw: brief implications of depression and suicide attempts

The apartment has always felt colder to Sehun when Lu Han wasn’t around; and lately, all Sehun could feel is frigid darkness and somber coldness.

He’s been tossing and turning in his bed for hours. He’s moved to the middle, he’s flipped the pillows to the cooler side, he’s tossed his sheets aside, and he’s tucked himself to bed a hundred times over. He’s done whatever he thinks will help him sleep, but nothing has worked. So he lies on his bed, frustrated, exhausted, and nearly breathless, staring up at his ceiling fan.

For a moment, he feels peace. The quiet whirring of the fan above him and the rhythmic ticking of his clock lull him to a false pretense of drowsiness. He could feel his eyelids become heavier, could feel his entire body sinking into the mattress of his bed, but he doesn’t sleep. He can’t. Misery loves company, and his miserable heart isn’t about to let him go away.

At work, Chanyeol corners Sehun in the men’s room. The taller, older male’s eyes are narrowed; his tie is tight around his neck, and his shoes are polished to the illusion of being brand new. His voice is stern when he speaks, but his eyebrows are furrowed with concern. “How are you feeling?”

“Like how everyone should feel on a Tuesday morning,” Sehun groans. His eyes are narrowed at his friend’s reflection on the mirror. He reaches for a napkin to wipe his face and hands with. “Dead.”

Chanyeol purses his lips. He isn’t satisfied with Sehun’s answer, and he does not look like he is about to let him go unless he gets a better one. “Did you get some sleep?”

Sehun sighs. “Yeah, all glorious fifteen minutes of it.”

“You should’ve just called in sick. I would have covered for you.”

“Forget it,” Sehun walks past Chanyeol. He hesitates a little before he leaves the bathroom. Guilt keeps him from totally walking away from Chanyeol without another word. He turns around and meets his eyes. He looks away when he sees the pity written all over his face. “Thank you, but I can handle myself.”

Sehun absolutely cannot and does not handle it himself.

Ten minutes after he’s gotten back to his desk, he loses consciousness and his coworker drops the stacks of paper she’s carrying when she screams for help. Emergency responders arrive almost immediately at the office, and he is carried away on a gurney and driven to the hospital.

He wakes up hours later, strapped to an IV system, dizzy and absolutely hungry. He hears a voice say ‘ah, there you are!’ and he prays to God it’s Lu Han speaking. Deep down he knows it isn’t. He’s learned the hard way that his wishes tend to never come true. Today is not the day that principle changes. When he tries to sit up, Chanyeol stops him.

“You shouldn’t get up yet,” Chanyeol tells Sehun, pushing him back down on his bed. “The doctor has stern orders and the nurse is kinda mean so I won’t try your chances if I were you…”

Sehun peers around as much as he can. He sees no one else but Chanyeol and white empty space.

When Sehun doesn’t respond, Chanyeol continues, suppressing a heavy breath. He grins even if he knows his gaze will never be met. “The hospital already called your parents, and I talked to your mom. She was so worried for you; I think she nearly fainted when I said you’ve been unconscious for more than three hours. She said she’ll be visiting you tomorrow. The nurse gave me your clothes when she changed you into the hospital gown get-up or whatever. I’m gonna swing by your apartment later to help tidy it up, but I really just wanted to see—”

“Why?” His voice is a croak. He sounded like he’s been deprived of water for ages, and he is now only finding the strength to speak.

Chanyeol stops midsentence, staring at Sehun in silence before laughing softly. “Because your mom will unleash hell and send you flying back to the hospital if she sees the pig sty you live in, that’s why! And I really don’t think—”

“No,” Sehun opens his eyes and strains his neck to look at Chanyeol by his side. “That’s not what I asked.”

Lowered eyes and sheepish smile are all the responses Chanyeol gives Sehun. Silence reigns in the hospital room, and Sehun is reminded of the loneliness of his apartment. He realizes now that melancholy’s become his new companion. It followed him to bed, to the bathroom this morning, to his car, to his work, and now it’s found him here in the hospital. He closes his eyes to take in the silence; he’s praying that by willingly accepting misery, the pain will lessen.

It doesn’t.

“You know why,” Chanyeol’s voice is small again, but never distant. Unlike the many other factors in Sehun’s life, Chanyeol is constant. Chanyeol is attached.

Sehun’s eyes opens and gazes at Chanyeol, if anything to make sure he doesn’t disapperate like the rest of the people in his life. Chanyeol’s eyes are on his hands; his fingers intertwined as his thumbs waged war against each other. His dark brown hair falls over his eyes as he laughs softly, bitterly. He sighs in defeat. “You just pretend not to.”

Chanyeol supports more than half of Sehun’s body weight as they walk up the stairs to Sehun’s apartment. Sehun can hear his raspy breathing, the shuffling of their shoes against the linoleum floor, and the impending loneliness that awaits him.

“You didn’t have to come with me you know,” he protests again.

“Yeah, because you’re doing such a fine job by yourself right now,” Chanyeol says, right before sighing. He’s shaking his head slightly and grimacing at him right now; Sehun can feel it. “Just let me be your friend, okay? It’s the least you can do.”

Sehun doesn’t say another word.

Before Chanyeol leaves, he prepares dinner for Sehun. He threw away the spoiled kimchi in the fridge and replaced it with Sehun’s mother’s own recipe. He could still hear her scolding him for starving himself like some kind of insane dog abandoned by his master. The truth in her words hurt.

“I promised your mom I’ll force you to eat, so I’ll call you in the morning, during my lunch break, and at dinner. Answer my calls, okay?”

“You aren’t going to stay?”

Chanyeol shakes his head. “I’ll call.”


“Okay. I’ll be on my way then.”


At 9 AM sharp, Sehun’s telephone in the kitchen rings. It rang twice before going straight to voicemail. The automated voice instructed whoever was calling to wait for the tone.


“Yah! I told you to answer my calls, you brat. You better be eating properly, Oh Sehun, or so help me God I will shove that entire pot of porridge down your throat. Porridge and pot and all!”

A pause. Sehun guesses Chanyeol is grinning like an idiot on the other line. The pause must have only lasted seconds, but it was enough of a silence to give Sehun the chance to break down in tears.

“Eat, okay? Stop crying, okay? Just… just please get better, okay? I’ll swing by after work.”

Tears keep flowing.

“Be okay please. Smile again please. For me, please. Do it for me.”

There’s another pause, and Sehun’s beginning to hate the sound of his own sobbing drowning out what Chanyeol is saying.

“Please,” Chanyeol’s voice breaks. “Just please let me love you.”

Constant beeping wakes Sehun from rest. The nurse filling out his chart right next to him turns around after smiling sadly at him.

“Excuse me, mister. Your friend’s awake,” she spoke in a dialect Sehun couldn’t place. She did not direct it to him, though. She was looking at someone towards the edge of his bead.

“Ah,” an exhausted Chanyeol stands up and looms over him. He rubs at his eyes—Sehun can tell he’s been crying—and stretches out his back. “Thank you.”

The nurse nods before she leaves, taking three clipboards and a tray of needles Sehun could only guess used to be on his arm.

“You’ve been crying?” Sehun didn’t mean for that observation to turn into a question.

Chanyeol doesn’t respond. Instead, he reaches out his hand to touch Sehun’s face, and Sehun inches away from the first genuine act of warmth he’ll receive in days.

“I told you to eat your meals,” Chanyeol’s voice is shaking. There are tears welling in Chanyeol’s eyes that hurt Sehun more than Sehun could bear.

“I told you to be okay,” the tears drop quickly from Chanyeol’s eyes to his hands. “And you drown yourself. I told you to be okay…”

Sehun can’t feel anything, not even the tears on his own cheeks, not even the heart in his own ribcage.

Chanyeol will never finish his sentence. Only his cries and his breathing will fill in the silence his words left in the room. His knees will fall to the floor; his hands will be clenched together in a fist, like a man desperately praying for a miracle. Anyone else but Sehun will hear the tears and think Sehun’s contracted an incurable disease—the worst form of cancer that could ever manifest itself in a young adult’s body. Anyone else but Sehun will think Chanyeol is in the process of swearing to the heavens and to all the gods and fates that he will pay whatever price is needed if they will only save Sehun from his disease. They will never know that the only incurable disease Sehun possess is his stubborn heart—still fixated on Lu Han, still pining after the very reason he’s been admitted to the hospital thrice in the same month.

“I’m sorry,” Sehun breathes in. “I’m sorry.” Sehun cries out.

A/N: this has been collecting dust in my folders so i decided to just publish it. will beta/edit later. sorry i'm so lazy.
comments and such are appreciated but not needed. thanks for reading! :)

송수정: 세훈 → greychina_whales on March 23rd, 2013 08:08 am (UTC)
the fic perfectly describes what i think of the pairing argh hunyeol forever hurts me

why do i even ship them
misha: sehunmianhaes on March 23rd, 2013 09:58 pm (UTC)
because there's something lovely about the pain? (that's why i ship it)
thanks for reading! :)
lamiebyeon1002 on December 28th, 2014 03:28 pm (UTC)
I'm totally in love with your fanfic ♡ So nice ☆
And i want to translate it into Vietnamese in order to share more ChanHun's fanfic. This couple's fanfic aren't plentiful in Vietname :((
So will you accept my request? I'm really really really want to translate yours :)) I'll post translation on my Wordpress and i promise to post it with full credit :3
P.s: please answer me as soon as possible :3